23 Responses to “If I knew then…”

  1. Adele says:

    Anita, you are one brave crqaZy cat! Besides still being crazed with this big move, even if I had the time, when I think about “if I knew then what I know now,” it is too painful and personal to write about. And here you are doing it! I could write about my experience with getting feral cats because I had no clue what I was getting into and still paying the price – but don’t know how I could fit that in with either my YogaBabeCafe Blog or my I Ching one.

    About not eating when depressed – I have experiences depression when I was in a time of grief and loss, and simply could not swallow and got rail thin. I hear that some people eat too much during those times. β™₯β™₯β™₯

    • sliloh says:

      Yeah, well I couldn’t think of anything else for Bean’s blog carnival. Mostly I think I’m just as dumb now as I always was, I can’t think of anything else I bloody learned except this πŸ˜‰ Whether I’d be rational enough to do these things when that dark place comes, I have my doubts.

      It seems like you could find a way in the I Ching, but you have enough on your plate at the moment. I still struggle to eat more than once a day. Wouldn’t mind having a little of the opposite problem.

  2. p.s. my comment luv isn’t working above. ??

    Adele – I Ching’s last blog post..John Cage – Music of Changes and I Ching

  3. Rainbow says:

    Please let this spring and summer bring you a lot of fun, a lot of hope, and a lot of friends. Count on me too πŸ™‚

    You are not alone in the depression, but please don’t let it takes control you too long.
    Because the happiness can’t comes into your heart, if you don’t throw away the depression.

    Whenever the depression starts its shadow inside me, I always throw it out as quickly as I can.

    My important tools to get rid the depression are smile, hope, and faith.

    • sliloh says:

      Thank you Rainbow, you live up to your name πŸ˜‰ I’ve always struggled with depression, but some years were way worse than others. The getting out and just doing is the hard part. But spring is here, I am buying garden seeds, so the fun will begin again!

  4. Lightdance says:

    You were dealt a difficult hand, and I am so sorry. My best friend went through a depression like you describe. When she was in the midst of it, even if you were with her, it was as though she had checked out. Her speech and movements were slow, and later she didn’t remember what we had done or talked about. She had a lot of help to come out of it, and I am happy to say that she has been fine for many years.
    You are brave to talk about your depression, but I bet your willingness to it can help a lot of people.

    • sliloh says:

      Yeah, it’s horrible. Even my love for my daughters couldn’t pull me out of it. I was definitely checked out. ECT changed all that.

  5. Rainbow says:


    I’m glad to know that you are ready for gardening now.
    Yes, it is going to be a lot of fun to see the green garden, and enjoy sunny days again. πŸ™‚

    I hope you will share story about your garden too.
    What do you plan to grow in this summer?
    I bought two books about herb, so I’m thinking I will grow some herbs in my garden this year.

    • sliloh says:

      Veggies, I’m going for lots and lots of veggies! I’m sure I’ll be sharing pictures. Hopefully I’ll know what I’m doing a little better this year πŸ˜‰

  6. Miranda says:

    Heh, thanks for the post mom πŸ™‚ I’ve been feeling down in the dumps lately, and for some reason, that sort of cheered me up.
    I hope you are feeling better than when Lissy and I left you…cuz it might be a while before I can make it down there again πŸ™
    Love you!

    • sliloh says:

      Wow, if this cheered you up think what I could do if I talked about a fun topic! πŸ˜€ I am feeling better but not functioning a lot better. Allergy season is here doncha know.

      Love you more!

  7. Bonnie says:

    I’m glad you’re feeling better, Anita. You know that old saying, “what don’t kill us will make us stronger”.


    Bonnie’s last blog post..Severe Weather Concern for Thursday

  8. pete S. says:

    Hi Anita,

    That sounds like it is one dark place to go, thank goodness for anything that works. Have you explored full spectrum lights for winter? I used to have my slide-sorting light-table set up all winter so that I could stare into full spectrum lights for a couple of hours most mornings during the season and still get something done with my slide files. It seemed to help with the seasonal blues. But then they are in no way as profound a down as what you have worked through. I’m glad you’ve found ways to kick loose of the lows.
    For me, at this moment, your post is akin to a good swift kick, a sharp wake-up to get moving, get something done. I haven’t in days and my only excuse is a sorrow that I can’t keep up with my lessons, or anything, really, and a rather painful hip, heh. I must say your post is much more helpful to readers than the only thing I’ve come up with so far for that topic. “If I knew then what I knew now”…”I’d have skipped this particular incarnation” just seems to lack any narrative ‘zing’ or educational value. *Grin*

    Veggie gardening! That will be grand, I bet. I miss that, even planning the interplanting on 1 inch per foot maps of the beds; a lot like planning a dungeon game, only not. Hope your local bunnies keep full elsewhere and just come by for the shade πŸ™‚ Looking forward to the garden pictures, critters ‘n’ all.
    Very powerful post, Anita.

    pete S.’s last blog post..Turkey up top

    • sliloh says:

      This last winter was a surprise, how badly I did after a good summer, so I might want to try out the lights. But yeah, that was tried during one of my many hospitalizations and it didn’t do a thing to help. Believe me, I know just how hard that get going part is. I struggle with it every day. Then there’s the ‘don’t beat yourself up for it’ when you don’t get moving. So remember that one!

      I’m with you, about skipping this incarnation πŸ˜‰ I don’t feel like I had much to offer to the topic ‘if I knew then’, this was all I could think of.

      I’m looking forward to the garden, hope it helps me get out of this slump I’m in. I was totally obsessed with my garden last year πŸ˜‰

  9. Viki says:

    I went through a depression this past winter. I forced myself to stick with my daily routine in hopes that would force me out of it. I stuck with my workouts, I ate healthy, I took vitamins, I stuck with my work schedule. I went on a vacation during this time, one that had been planned several months prior, and I didn’t want to do much of anything except sleep and read. It took me about 5 -6 weeks to come out of the depression. I have no idea what caused it and no idea what brought me out of it. I can’t imagine going through what you did for such a long period of time. I sincerely hope that you never have to go through it again. You were very brave to share all this with us. Hugs to you, my friend. πŸ˜‰

    • sliloh says:

      I stuck with all that for the first few months, but after all that time and only getting worse, I somehow just withdrew into my own little miserable space, which of course only made it worse. It’s a miserable place to be and even though I’m much better, I still struggle with that whole getting back out there in the world. I’m sorry you went through it, I’d not wish it on anyone. Glad you made it through to the other side πŸ˜‰

  10. Viki says:

    ps – I love this WP theme. So clean and organized and easy to read. πŸ™‚

  11. Carol says:

    Well Anita, who would have thought it – you seem such an active, up-beat member of the class at the moment. I really don’t understand depression, and often feel like many others do: “pull yourself together”. But the one thing I have learnt is that it just isn’t that easy – it’s not just feeling a bit down as we all experience from time to time! I have a friend who suffers, but her meds keep her emotions pretty much balanced, and she gets ‘down’ now, but a good old conversation on msn about absolutely anything will help her immensely – she is always thanking me for my help when I have absolutely no idea what I’ve done. It is a strange, complicated and stubborn condition (is it a condition?), and I just thank my lucky stars that thus far I have not had to suffer as many of you have. xxxx

  12. Carol says:

    Sorry Anita, I mean teacher, not member of the class πŸ˜‰

    • sliloh says:

      Thanks Carol, it really isn’t that easy. I wish it was! It’s always with me but there were a few years where it totally engulfed me. I still struggle with it everyday.

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