22 Responses to “Hey you, out there in the cold…”

  1. bean says:

    A very brave post to write. It actually gives me hope that you found the impetus and courage to write it. Sometimes we just need to vent our despair so we can claw our way out to the other side.
    Here is to your bravery and determination. Depression is insidious and tenacious, but I see you reaching up and out.

    bean’s last blog post..Send Bean to SOBCon 09

  2. Adele says:

    I laughed and I cried when I read this and cried again. I am so tired I woke up crying. I am taking a short break while my son takes half my life to the dump. So I took a look at my mail and saw your message. I swear you should live next door to me so we could really talk in person. I LOVE that picture you have here. No one with your talent, compassion and brilliance should feel so depressed and alone. I know that doesn’t help and sounds sappy. But TRUE.

    And it’s not my business and I don’t know those people but hell if anyone makes you feel that miserable keep away from them. I remember years ago meeting (another Leo who did a book on pictures of the sun) who said he learned some thing called, “The Get-the-hell-out-therapy.”

    I’m glad this page is about rambling because that’s what I’m doing and I’m feeling a lot better even though tears are rolling, just talking here.

    lots of love to you – and Bean too. Both of you are bright lights in the universe.

    Adele’s last blog post..Hexagram Eight – Six in the Last Place

  3. Adele says:

    p.s. It is new moon in Pisces where both sun and Moon are together in that watery mystical sign. could be making us very emotional. Also psychic – for me anyway.

    I pray I feel better by the time of the new moon in Aries. Full of energy and zip.

    Adele’s last blog post..Hexagram Eight – Six in the Last Place

    • sliloh says:

      I’m ready for that new moon too. I think it’s terrible so much of your stuff has to go.

      As for the keeping away, it seems like the best option. I learned about a skill that wasn’t taught in my DBT, at least not that I remember ….extinction. Heh, it feels like I could go ahead and use that with a broad brush right now.

  4. Carol says:

    I am so glad that you can express your feelings so well and so publicly. I am not able to do that, but I have such similar feelings to yours that it scares me. Take care and DO show it to your counselor.
    Wishing you well and the best.
    Carol
    😉

    Carol’s last blog post..I’m not alone.

  5. Miranda says:

    i love you mommy. lissy and i will be there soon. hang in there!! 🙂

  6. Ellen says:

    Sliloh, please take care ♥♥♥ What a brave post. Know that you can reach out for help if you need it. Thinking of you.
    Ellen

    Ellen’s last blog post..Illustration Friday – Instinct

  7. sliloh says:

    Thank you all, I’ll muddle through. But I do have to question, if it feels so bad why am I doing it?

  8. Rainbow says:

    You are not alone with this feeling, because I used to feel the same way as you said , “ I just want to crawl back into my deep dark hole”.

    I used to feel that I was alone in the wide world and no one I can turn to.

    After I lived in “my deep dark hole,” for a while, I told myself to crawl out from the hole, to see the sunshine days, to get fresh air, and to smile again.

    Life is about the cycle of luck, lost, laugh, and love.
    That what I had learned from my experience.

    Hope your feeling is much better now.

  9. Mark and Dee says:

    Hi Anita, we want you to know that we do read your website and we do listen to your inner most feelings. I so wish we were closer, so we could see each other on a regular basis and just talk. I hope we can start talking alot more, wether it’s on the phone or thru e-mail. Just know how much we care and love you, even if we don’t talk as often as we should. You are a very strong woman. Hang in there, you have so many people who love you!
    We love you, Mark and Dee

    • sliloh says:

      Thank you Mark & Dee, It’s been a while since I’ve been in this particular bad place. I hope I don’t stay as long this time. When your social skills suck, do you just keep trying and screwing up, or retreat to that hole? I so vote for the hole! 😉

  10. Dee says:

    I vote for keep trying, you do have good social skills, you might not bdelieve it, but it’s true. Please, don’t retreat to the hole, call me, e-mail me, let me know your feelings. We can get thru this.
    Love you,
    Dee

    • sliloh says:

      I’m thinking that extinction skill mentioned above might be the one to use in this case. But then I’d have no social life at all to practice my skills (or lack thereof) on. Guess I’ll see what my therapist says in the morning. He’ll probably tell me I’m running away. And I say “You are damn right I am!” :p

  11. quirkyartist says:

    Hang in there Sliloh. Best of luck.

    quirkyartist’s last blog post..More handmade boxes

  12. Dee says:

    Hi, I don’t like the extinction skill! I’m glad you’re able to get your true feelings out and are reaching out. That makes us very happy. You have good social skills, you don’t give yourself enough credit. Let’s try to find out what you’re runnung away from and then we can take it from there (on a positive note). Love you. Dee and Mark

    • sliloh says:

      I think with some people extinction might be the best solution. Not sure yet about whether it’s best in this case. What am I running away from? My over-reaction to rejection or maybe just rejection itself.

      Straight from the DSM-IV-TR on Borderline Personality Disorder: “Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.”
      Only I don’t do that anymore, I try to never get in a position for that to happen in the first place. Because if there is anything that triggers me going off the wall, it’s that.

  13. God bless your daughter — yes, you are blessed to have her them). Bean is right — insidious stuff. No way to talk you up, we can just be here in a collective circle to love you as do that reaching up and out thing. Whenever that is.

    Sending love and a hug. I like you…..
    Barb

    Barb Hartsook @OverCoffeeBlog’s last blog post..How Do You Find the Time to……..?

  14. Pleximus says:

    Wow, hope you are feeling better these days… been awhile since this post. My wife is a clinical psychologist so I know a bit about the insidious nature of mental illness. I am here to talk if you ever need it.

    Plex

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