A few months ago I began talking to someone I’ve known for 8 years online. He talked me into giving up my hermitage (is that a word?) and giving a relationship a chance. Let me tell you, it took some convincing. I never met anyone like him before.  I could tell him anything. He was so understanding and compassionate. Plus our sense of humor was on the same wavelength. We spent hours talking. There were a few troubling little fibs that I chose to ignore (I know, bad, bad, bad) but I thought he was pretty much what he presented himself as. He had a money problem and I sent him a lot of money (yeah, beat myself in the head). Well, at the time I felt like I could afford to help.

He came to visit me, got here on my birthday. Once he was here we never talked like we had on the phone. He was somewhat critical of me and anyone who knows anything about me knows that won’t go over well. He drank…a lot…and never offered a penny towards it. I live on disability, I can’t afford that and I generally don’t drink at all but I was trying to be a good hostess. But the tall tales, that was the worst. When someone lies to you, everything they’ve ever told you is brought into doubt.

After he was home again I still tried talking to him. Looking for the guy I thought I’d got to know. But like my therapist keeps telling me, that guy wasn’t real. He was so charming and I swear I have none. I wanted to be able to be like him. Heh. The last time we talked, I had meningitis and instead of concern, all he did was talk about his money woes. I have quite a few of those myself now and he contributed to them.

I guess the moral of the story is that I should be glad I’m real (and honest) even if I’m not a charmer. So I’m getting used to the being alone again. Sometimes though, I wish I had the ability to be such a wonderful person as he appeared to be. Mostly I feel like a fool.

With the assumption I might find things to talk about again.  Although right this minute I can’t think of any except the various health issues I’ve been dealing with the last few months. Talk about stimulating conversation! I will say Ensure is your friend. I think I’ve become addicted to them 😉

This blog is dead and so am I. So until further notice..close the door on your way out.

Living next to a rental house is the pits. The last tenants had a bunch of kids who threw big rocks over the fence into my yard for amusement. They are making the new ones look good. These folks have kids who play and scream right outside the only window I have that opens. Even better they have a big dog that is chained outside and barks incessantly. My bedroom is on that side of the house. It’s a whole lot worse though when I dare to venture into my backyard. Then today I went out to check my garden and there are rocks and bricks in my yard! I am so tempted to throw them back over the fence. Maybe I’ll get lucky and beam the dog while I’m at it.

Or to paraphase George who is paraphrasing Dickens, as written by F.S. Fitzy…

It was a shitty day for my friend Pinhead – Paul.