A few months ago I began talking to someone I’ve known for 8 years online. He talked me into giving up my hermitage (is that a word?) and giving a relationship a chance. Let me tell you, it took some convincing. I never met anyone like him before. I could tell him anything. He was so understanding and compassionate. Plus our sense of humor was on the same wavelength. We spent hours talking. There were a few troubling little fibs that I chose to ignore (I know, bad, bad, bad) but I thought he was pretty much what he presented himself as. He had a money problem and I sent him a lot of money (yeah, beat myself in the head). Well, at the time I felt like I could afford to help.
He came to visit me, got here on my birthday. Once he was here we never talked like we had on the phone. He was somewhat critical of me and anyone who knows anything about me knows that won’t go over well. He drank…a lot…and never offered a penny towards it. I live on disability, I can’t afford that and I generally don’t drink at all but I was trying to be a good hostess. But the tall tales, that was the worst. When someone lies to you, everything they’ve ever told you is brought into doubt.
After he was home again I still tried talking to him. Looking for the guy I thought I’d got to know. But like my therapist keeps telling me, that guy wasn’t real. He was so charming and I swear I have none. I wanted to be able to be like him. Heh. The last time we talked, I had meningitis and instead of concern, all he did was talk about his money woes. I have quite a few of those myself now and he contributed to them.
I guess the moral of the story is that I should be glad I’m real (and honest) even if I’m not a charmer. So I’m getting used to the being alone again. Sometimes though, I wish I had the ability to be such a wonderful person as he appeared to be. Mostly I feel like a fool.