I don’t have the patience I did when I was raising kids. Of course I never had a 70 lb 2 year old either and even if I had, if I’d yelled at them in the voice I seem to be using constantly these days, they’d have been somewhat intimidated. In fact, I never had to use this kind of voice with them. But hey, I went from days of never using my voice at all to using it all bloody day long, maybe that’s good for me. It doesn’t feel good though, I’m a live and let live type person, I’ve never had the habit of having to bitch all day long at anyone. Enter Karma, funny I picked that name for him, I guess he’s my bad Karma. I sure spend all day every day telling him he is. Positive reinforcement only goes so far, how do you teach a dog he’s good when he’s not barking, chewing, jumping and the million other things he manages to do all day long that totally annoy me? Some days I put him back in his crate all day, some days he’s in and out 3 times an hour because he just refuses to follow my rules. He understands them just fine but in his exuberance he just can’t seem to help himself. If I wasn’t such a recluse he’d be gone already, but I barely manage to call my therapist or doctor to make an appointment, so it’s no surprise I haven’t called animal control about returning my dog. Plus I like him, if he’d just learn to chill out and mind me, I hate the idea of taking him back there. I’m just so tired of bitching and fighting with him every single day, all day long. Well, got to go, he’s destroying my rug again….

As some of you know, I had an attempted break in back in July. I took a handgun class then got a dog. My reasoning? A handgun is worthless until they are inside (not to mention all the future problems if you use it), a dog will hopefully discourage them from getting that far. So I went to Animal Control and brought home Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim is not tiny. I named him Karma, you know, like what the burglar will get if he tries my house again. Karma was a stray but seemed happy enough in there and he was in a cage with 3 other dogs.

The timing was just very bad all the way around. I still don’t have my entire yard fenced, my sister-in-law was ill and I made numerous trips to Michigan, then again for my daughter’s bachelorette party (that I was throwing), and once more for her wedding.

I’m lucky I have an automatic transmission now because on the trip home from the shelter one arm was up trying to keep him in the backseat the entire trip. I found out immediately what a very big and loud bark he has as he barked at every single person he saw. I took him straight to the vet for my free checkup. On the way there he chewed through his leash. He also had kennel cough so it wasn’t a free visit after all.

I had already bought the dishes, food, collar, leash, rawhide chews, a couple toys and a cable to tie him outside. By the next morning it was clear I needed a containment vessel. So I tied him to my basement doorknob and headed to Petsmart for a crate. By now I could have paid for the bloody gun. Then we started practicing walking on the leash. He tried to eat two guys coming off their porch the first day and I barely managed to hang on to the lunging maniac. So I did a little reading on the web and learned that once they are reactive (insane) there is no help, you need to not let it get that far. Like he sees people or a dog, turn around and go the other way. In my neighborhood there are a lot of people and dogs. 🙁 I just don’t understand what happened to that happy-go-lucky pup. He just gets crazier every day.

So a few days later we are trying the walk thing again after a nice rain shower. I was standing on the wet grass in my front yard with Karma sniffing around. My neighbor came out of his house with his dog, who is never on a leash. Karma went nuts. Dragged me right off my feet and into the street. Twisted my knee up bad. I was hobbling for a month. I crawled to a tree to wrap the damn leash around so I could get on my feet. My neighbor is jabbering away like I’m not lying in the road trying to hang on to demon dog. Others are out on their porches and in their yards just watching. No one offered to help. Of course I probably wouldn’t either if someone had a dog like mine. I finally get to my feet and the guy is still yakking and I turn around and see two people heading my way with two big dogs. Yikes, I said I gotta go, I need to get him inside now! That was our last attempt at a walk.

The first trip to Michigan when Nancy was ill I took him to my mother’s house and tied him in the woods because I was staying for a few days. I had a leash on him in the car and wrapped it around the passenger headrest to keep him in the backseat for the 2 hour drive. He thought it was pretty boring so to entertain himself he chewed through the passenger side shoulder belt. Then I stopped in mother’s driveway, opened the car door and he peed on the seat. You know I actually have/had a really nice car now. The next trips I left him in the crate and went up and back in the same day.

Miranda’s bachelorette party was more of a problem because I decided on a bonfire party. No way was I going to drive home at 2 am so I was going to take him and tie him out at my mom’s again. By the time I had the coolers, supplies and stuff all loaded in the car I decided I just couldn’t deal with Monster dog too. So I dog proofed my kitchen the best I could. Moved everything with cords, taped the knobs on my gas stove so he couldn’t turn them on and figured I’d just have a huge mess to clean when I got home. Twenty-four hours later I return home, unlock the door, no barking dog…wth? Open it and there he is laying on his blanket not making a peep. Even more incredible, there is no poo or pee anywhere! What a hero he is! (well, except the no barking part, he does it all the rest of the time)

A few days later I was tearing apart an old picnic table in my backyard and had him tied out on his cable. The wood was really gross and rotten so I went and put my leather work gloves on. Karma went nuts! I guess he equated them to rawhide chews. He wouldn’t stop leaping on me. Sure enough, down I went again. He wouldn’t let me back up until I let him take the glove either. This is starting to get pretty old.

For Miranda’s wedding I contacted my vet and found out they board pretty darn cheap. The wedding was way up north so I was going to be gone 3 days. I walked into the vet and he went nuts, there were people and animals in there for crying out loud. Now you realize he’s been to the vet twice before and never acted like this. A girl who worked there came around the counter and said she’d take him back to the kennel. He stated his lunging, growling, barking thing and she decided I could take him back there. Three days later I go to pick him up, they knew who I was immediately. He wouldn’t let them get him out, I had to go back and get him. The entire time he was there he would let no one near him. They were nice enough to let me out a side door so he didn’t kill any little animals in the waiting room. I bet they were glad to see us go.

A few days ago I was picking tomatoes and Karma’s cable wouldn’t reach so he was barking. I normally make him go in immediately when he barks in the yard but it was a nice day so I cut him some slack and unwound the cable all the way. The trouble with that is then he can actually go all the way into my front yard because I have no gate. Things were just peachy until my neighbor walked into my backyard. I wrapped that cable around both hands a few times and waited for the explosion. I didn’t have long to wait. Unfortunately that really long cable also wrapped around my leg. I gave it my best shot to stand on my own two feet but yep, down again. I’m getting kind of tired of looking like a rainbow…black, blue, purple, red, yellow, green. I said if he did it a third time he was gone. That was before I started getting attached to him.

So now we have a routine, in, out, bark all day at everything, grab stuff off the kitchen counter every chance we get, jump on the couch, paw around, jump off the couch, bark some more, get put in cage, bark some more, get put in basement…repeat ad infinitum.

Tonight I gave him Benadryl, I remember my dr prescribing it when Miranda was a screaming baby hours on end. He should be sleeping, but he’s in the crate barking and whining instead. Tonight I also ordered a shock collar. If that doesn’t work I’ll donate all that crap to the animal shelter when I return him so the next poor sucker will have a head start on it all. And no worries that I can’t afford a gun anymore, I’m pissed off enough to tear any prowler apart with my bare hands.

`Badfinger – Come and get it

Last Thursday night at 2:30 am someone tried to break in to my house. I heard the outer (screen) door and my cats freaked and ran upstairs. While creeping around peeking out windows I saw him with his hand on my doorknob, then he walked into the backyard. I’m so glad I stay awake all night. The cops were here in less than 5 minutes. They could see where he’d walked across the neighbors yard and went into my backyard and out the other side. Because he was on foot they said he was probably looking for a bike. Huh? At a house with the lights on, when my garage is in the back? A bike would logically be in the garage. My therapist thinks he was a potential rapist, especially since once it got light out I realized I could see out the side door window where he was standing. With the light on in here he had to have seen me and he tried getting in anyway. I also heard a door the night before. He was testing to see if he could find an unlocked door.

So when morning came I emailed this NRA instructor and asked if he still had handgun classes open for Saturday. Signed up for basic handguns Saturday and home protection Sunday. Half the day was classroom and second half firing at the range. I used a .357. that’s a revolver. I wasn’t strong enough to slide the slide on the automatics. I feel a bit safer with a revolver, they don’t jam, you can’t accidentally leave a bullet in the chamber and they have a hard trigger pull so aren’t likely to go off accidentally. I think I have only shot a handgun once in my life. Surprisingly, even though I haven’t shot a gun in probably 30 years, I am still a damn good shot (I was the best in my company with an m16 in the army). These are now hanging on my side door window where I saw the creep.

I also ordered door alarms and will attempt to install them on the screen doors, since I don’t intend for any intruder to make it inside.

Then there’s my not so secret weapon…

I got him at animal control and learned quickly on the ride home what a good watchdog he was going to be. He barked and growled at every pedestrian he saw. He was perfectly friendly at the shelter and I thought he wouldn’t be much of a deterrent but I’ve changed my mind. He doesn’t have many manners yet, but we have mastered sit in less than a day. Heel works somewhat as long as there is nothing too interesting going on. I dared take him for a walk today and 2 guys were coming off their porch, he was on his hind legs, lunging and growling. They didn’t act like they believed me when I said he was fine 😀

Hopefully I won’t be messed with again anytime soon and hopefully he trains fast because this is exhausting.

When I was living in California we found Patches at the local humane society. Melissa and I went to look. They had a long covered hallway of cages and every dog in there was barking. Melissa went through with her ears covered. She hated the noise. Then we came to this little pooch just sitting there not making a peep. We talked to the worker and took him to a little penned in yard to see how we got on together. She handed me a ball but when I turned around to throw it for him, I found Melissa and him laying together under the tree. Yes, he was our dog right from the start. 😉

The first time the girls took him outside, he saw this snazzy red convertible parked at the curb and hopped on in. He was ready to ride! I had to convince him that he was going to have to settle for my Sundance instead. He loved to ride and he had such good taste in cars!

Then there was the day the pizza deliveryman came and stood on the very wobbly chair by my front door asking in a quavery voice, “Does he bite?” lol, a more mellow dog you could not find.

When I left California with all my belongings, I had a rabbit cage, a bird cage on top of it, two cats and Patches in the cab of the truck with me. It was a cozy ride. He sat there faithfully by my side the entire trip. Back at my parents house I ensconced my poor southern California dog in my father’s barn through the winter. What a culture shock that must have been! But I’d come out of the house and he’d see me and just come running up the driveway. One of very few good memories of that winter.

I received disability and rented a house with a huge fenced yard. He was happy about the yard, but I think he was happier being back with his family. And he loved the bay window where this picture was taken. We moved again and life went on. His age was starting to show. I could see he had cataracts but it was hard to know how much he could see. He knew the house well enough to function (most of the time). I’d sometimes find him standing in a corner and help him find his way out. One day he got under my bed and got his head wedged in the wood slats of the box springs. Melissa and I had to remove the mattresses to get him out. Tricky to do without hurting him. The worst was the night the basement door was left open and he fell down the stairs (I’m sure he was totally incapable of walking down them at that point) and fell into the sump pump hole. His yelping woke Melissa up thank God. I dragged him out, gave him a warm bath and took him to bed with me. Poor old pup.

The day he could no longer stand, I knew it was time. It broke my heart. He was the best dog I ever had. We enjoyed 12 years or so with that sweet guy. I miss him still.