As some of you know, I had an attempted break in back in July. I took a handgun class then got a dog. My reasoning? A handgun is worthless until they are inside (not to mention all the future problems if you use it), a dog will hopefully discourage them from getting that far. So I went to Animal Control and brought home Tiny Tim. Tiny Tim is not tiny. I named him Karma, you know, like what the burglar will get if he tries my house again. Karma was a stray but seemed happy enough in there and he was in a cage with 3 other dogs.

The timing was just very bad all the way around. I still don’t have my entire yard fenced, my sister-in-law was ill and I made numerous trips to Michigan, then again for my daughter’s bachelorette party (that I was throwing), and once more for her wedding.

I’m lucky I have an automatic transmission now because on the trip home from the shelter one arm was up trying to keep him in the backseat the entire trip. I found out immediately what a very big and loud bark he has as he barked at every single person he saw. I took him straight to the vet for my free checkup. On the way there he chewed through his leash. He also had kennel cough so it wasn’t a free visit after all.

I had already bought the dishes, food, collar, leash, rawhide chews, a couple toys and a cable to tie him outside. By the next morning it was clear I needed a containment vessel. So I tied him to my basement doorknob and headed to Petsmart for a crate. By now I could have paid for the bloody gun. Then we started practicing walking on the leash. He tried to eat two guys coming off their porch the first day and I barely managed to hang on to the lunging maniac. So I did a little reading on the web and learned that once they are reactive (insane) there is no help, you need to not let it get that far. Like he sees people or a dog, turn around and go the other way. In my neighborhood there are a lot of people and dogs. 🙁 I just don’t understand what happened to that happy-go-lucky pup. He just gets crazier every day.

So a few days later we are trying the walk thing again after a nice rain shower. I was standing on the wet grass in my front yard with Karma sniffing around. My neighbor came out of his house with his dog, who is never on a leash. Karma went nuts. Dragged me right off my feet and into the street. Twisted my knee up bad. I was hobbling for a month. I crawled to a tree to wrap the damn leash around so I could get on my feet. My neighbor is jabbering away like I’m not lying in the road trying to hang on to demon dog. Others are out on their porches and in their yards just watching. No one offered to help. Of course I probably wouldn’t either if someone had a dog like mine. I finally get to my feet and the guy is still yakking and I turn around and see two people heading my way with two big dogs. Yikes, I said I gotta go, I need to get him inside now! That was our last attempt at a walk.

The first trip to Michigan when Nancy was ill I took him to my mother’s house and tied him in the woods because I was staying for a few days. I had a leash on him in the car and wrapped it around the passenger headrest to keep him in the backseat for the 2 hour drive. He thought it was pretty boring so to entertain himself he chewed through the passenger side shoulder belt. Then I stopped in mother’s driveway, opened the car door and he peed on the seat. You know I actually have/had a really nice car now. The next trips I left him in the crate and went up and back in the same day.

Miranda’s bachelorette party was more of a problem because I decided on a bonfire party. No way was I going to drive home at 2 am so I was going to take him and tie him out at my mom’s again. By the time I had the coolers, supplies and stuff all loaded in the car I decided I just couldn’t deal with Monster dog too. So I dog proofed my kitchen the best I could. Moved everything with cords, taped the knobs on my gas stove so he couldn’t turn them on and figured I’d just have a huge mess to clean when I got home. Twenty-four hours later I return home, unlock the door, no barking dog…wth? Open it and there he is laying on his blanket not making a peep. Even more incredible, there is no poo or pee anywhere! What a hero he is! (well, except the no barking part, he does it all the rest of the time)

A few days later I was tearing apart an old picnic table in my backyard and had him tied out on his cable. The wood was really gross and rotten so I went and put my leather work gloves on. Karma went nuts! I guess he equated them to rawhide chews. He wouldn’t stop leaping on me. Sure enough, down I went again. He wouldn’t let me back up until I let him take the glove either. This is starting to get pretty old.

For Miranda’s wedding I contacted my vet and found out they board pretty darn cheap. The wedding was way up north so I was going to be gone 3 days. I walked into the vet and he went nuts, there were people and animals in there for crying out loud. Now you realize he’s been to the vet twice before and never acted like this. A girl who worked there came around the counter and said she’d take him back to the kennel. He stated his lunging, growling, barking thing and she decided I could take him back there. Three days later I go to pick him up, they knew who I was immediately. He wouldn’t let them get him out, I had to go back and get him. The entire time he was there he would let no one near him. They were nice enough to let me out a side door so he didn’t kill any little animals in the waiting room. I bet they were glad to see us go.

A few days ago I was picking tomatoes and Karma’s cable wouldn’t reach so he was barking. I normally make him go in immediately when he barks in the yard but it was a nice day so I cut him some slack and unwound the cable all the way. The trouble with that is then he can actually go all the way into my front yard because I have no gate. Things were just peachy until my neighbor walked into my backyard. I wrapped that cable around both hands a few times and waited for the explosion. I didn’t have long to wait. Unfortunately that really long cable also wrapped around my leg. I gave it my best shot to stand on my own two feet but yep, down again. I’m getting kind of tired of looking like a rainbow…black, blue, purple, red, yellow, green. I said if he did it a third time he was gone. That was before I started getting attached to him.

So now we have a routine, in, out, bark all day at everything, grab stuff off the kitchen counter every chance we get, jump on the couch, paw around, jump off the couch, bark some more, get put in cage, bark some more, get put in basement…repeat ad infinitum.

Tonight I gave him Benadryl, I remember my dr prescribing it when Miranda was a screaming baby hours on end. He should be sleeping, but he’s in the crate barking and whining instead. Tonight I also ordered a shock collar. If that doesn’t work I’ll donate all that crap to the animal shelter when I return him so the next poor sucker will have a head start on it all. And no worries that I can’t afford a gun anymore, I’m pissed off enough to tear any prowler apart with my bare hands.